Previous motd's:

(15/02/2010) - Very thoughtful service.
Better than Valentine's day
26th of Jan is International Australia Day!
Have you ever wondered if the notes in your wallet were ever in a stripper's butt crack?
If not, you're wondering now.

For the Futurama fans -
GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! I've invented a device that makes you read this message in your head...With my voice!

I wish we had Walmart down under -
Jesus! September 30 is International Blasphemy Day!
Today's definition: Religious war - Killing one another to see who's got the better imaginary friend.
Capitalization is the difference between "I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse.." and "I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.."
Happy EOFYS everybody!!!
If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat canned pork because of Swine Flu - ignore it - it's just spam.

The big bad Wolf said "I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down."
The little piggy puts his head out of the window and says "Frack off or I'll sneeze on you."

In the USA they used to say -
"When a black man becomes President, pigs will fly."
Just 100 days after Obama's election.......and wham!! Pig's flu!

Godwin's Law - "As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1"
A vicar books into a hotel and says to the blonde receptionist,
"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled.'
'No,' she says, 'it's just regular sick bastard.'
(2/03/2009) - Almost that time of year again ladies!
Sam Kekovitch for PM!
My favourite complaint - "Australians are so racist, they don't even realise they are being racist half the time"
(21/01/2009) - Stop Alien Abductions
No Clean Feed - Stop Internet Censorship in Australia
No Clean Feed - Stop Internet Censorship in Australia
Behind the Housing Crash - Confessions from an Insider
"If you are looking for an excellent expose on the banking industry, an explanation why your house is worth $100,000 less than it was before, or are just curious as to what happened, look no further. This is the book to read."
(13/09/2008) - WTF!?
(1/09/2008) - I need a hug...
(28/08/2008) - "Well, smack my ass and call me Stalin - it wasn't about saving the children." (via Captain Capitalism)
(6/08/2008) - I'm now an MK Dons fan!!!
29/07/2008 - Me on The Tube!!!
(10/06/2008) - Work is fun!
My new favourite site (Note - may unsuitable for liberal-arts majors)
Dogs are honorable, noble beasts created in Heaven to protect the good and fight evil
Democracy assumes two idiots are smarter than one genius.
Science proves that one genius is smarter than an infinite number of idiots.
Something un-PC:
I was depressed last night so I called Lifeline. Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal.

They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Happy Beer, Beef and Blowjob day!!!
Pucker up girls, it's nearly Beer, Beef and Blowjob day!!!
A husband and a wife a sharing a bottle of wine. the husband says to the wife "I bet you can't say something to me that will make me happy and sad at the same time".....

the wife thinks for a moment then says...........

"Your d1ck is bigger than your brothers'"
Happy Valentine's Day ladies! - Don't forget this more important event though -
The Top Ten Things Environmentalists Need to Learn -
"Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software"
(Links have been updated - I've been reading new stuff!)
special_message.avi - A special message for our new Prime Minister...
special_message.avi - A special message for you all this Melbourne Cup day...
(27/09/2007) - Enter the challenge! USD125k up for grabs!
Here's something you'll never use - The forum!
update motd - Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software
Bummer, I missed Talk like a pilot day...
Buttered Cat Paradox
How to acquire an Irish accent.
Practise by reading from bottom up:


My regular readers will know that i'm guilty of this...

A: Because it messes up the order in which people normally read text.
Q: Why is top-posting such a bad thing?
A: Top-posting.
Q: What is the most annoying thing on usenet and in e-mail?

(from )
(note - some care required when opening at work...)
"I love it when she gives me a Dirty Bristow!"
Happy talk like a pirate day! arrrgh!
Actively disinterested in Aussie Rules like me? Then join the AFL today!
And old fave -
"There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
She smelt worse than shit, and was missing a tit
But think of the money Dave saved!"

(24/7/06) Latest spam email - The subject line made me feel quite special: "You cumm very quickly and without any control!"
They're getting funnier every day - "Sophie Ellis Bextor has been found head butted to death in a famous french footballers apartment. Apparently it was murder on zidanes floor."
(6/7/06) -
"People are going to be having sex with robots within five years" - Bring it on!!!
Can't get more unlucky than what we were, but...


AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!!! OI OI OI!!!! - Happy 1st Birthday!!!

All we need is a draw...





Leave Gary Coleman ALONE!!!
FAQ on farts - Also, check out wikipedia -
(10/4/06) - Referral spammers, read this!
(3/4/06) - My God, people are buying shares in me!?
websense-block.html - What the?! Who would wanna block me?!
Happy Beer, Beef and Blowjob day!!!
Pucker up ladies, it's Beer, Beef and Blowjob day next Monday! Boys, print it out and stick it on your fridge.
My new ringtone - The bukkake song
The bukkake techno remix -
For you Prisoner fans out there - Cell Block Bukkake -
And my personal favourite - The Bukkake Song, unplugged -
Definition of bukkake for the unlearned -
The best spam email i've ever received:
Word of the week (thanks to Chris, UK): "Seagulling" - The act of going off to the school toilets for a wank and then run out to the playground complete with a hand full of spunk. The object is to find a fellow student you don't like, slap him on the head with your spunk and shout "SEAAAAGUUULLLL!!!!"
(14/2/06) - Now available on PSP!!!
Word of the week: "felch" (click)
Example use: "I couldn't belive it. After Nigel packed my ass, he felched me!"
infamous-frank.html - My hairdresser loves me :)
Whoa! I'm an intellectual, and a titan! Click to see:
"The Intellectual Aussie Titan Known as Frank"
The epitome of laziness - lazy.html
"All 12 of you Mac users in the world need to get hit with the clue bat" - Aaron Ballman Feb 10 2005
"Maczealots are like Jehova's Witnesses." - Sebhelyesfarku. Feb 11, 2005 (on the same page)
Nice to see our tax dollars are being put to good use: workplacesafety.html
"Hey kid, you can bat this shuttlecock back and forth and belong or..."What terrorists and leftists have in common
Laptop Computer: $1247
Wireless network router: $150
Updating whilst sitting on the crapper: priceless :)
"Hehehehe, look at this country - You Are Gay, hehehehe." - Homer Simpson (Looking at a globe being Uruguay)
Just call me "Mr November"!!!
Damn those pesky parking inspectors! Ripping people off even though the car park's empty. Click here to see what I like to do about it.
A South American scientist, from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with an unsatisfactory sex life read their e-mails with their hand on their mouse.
Don't bother taking it off, it's too late......
"Whales are drinking all our water and eating our sailors."
--Maddox 13/12/2001
"A pencil without an eraser is just a pen"
Above pic: Congratulations to the English cricket team for finally winning The Ashes back from us after 18 years.
Below pic: "My Republican friends, does it bother you that we are the laughing stock of the world?" - Michael Moore, 11/9/2005
"The quickest way to make a million dollars is to start your own religion."
- RanilR 7/Sept/2005.
(L. Ron Hubbard is rumored to have said it as well)
What, something more awesome than actually exists? No! But there is one thing that comes close - click here to see.
Click here to find out what your mailbox should look like.
I know, you're probably thinking - "Frank, how did you make your website so totally awesome?". Well it's because of you, the people, who send me emails to forward on, and I thank you for this. I'd also like to take the opportunity to thank Microsoft for providing the best web-development tool there is - notepad.exe. Check out what notepad.exe can do for you by clicking here.
This page is to solve the problem of "Hi Frank, I love your emails, but can you please not include me on the list when the attachment is over 743kb, my mailbox with its useless 1Mb limit is always full and my crappy dialup connection can't cope... thanks!". There are also many people who can't receive some types of attachments in their work email accounts, so out of the goodness of my heart, is here!
Me in yet another productive meeting -

Click me now!

Get Notepad now!